Vampire Diaries

It's always hard to judge pilots, but there's a considerable amount of cheese wafting off the pages. Equal parts angsty teen soap and paranormal romance, "Vampire Diaries" disappoints at both. Starts off with a double-murder by supernatural means. Enter mysterious new (stud)ent with an obvious attraction to our female protagonist -- still mourning the loss of her parents. Throw in a jackass kid brother, annoying friends/frenemies, another attack and I guess we're supposed to be enthralled by it all. Did I mention the mind-numbing voice-overs when the two leads scribble in their journals?

We all know what the CW is trying to do here, but "Vampire Diaries" only succedes at making "Twilight" look like Romeo and Juliet. Not an interesting character in sight. Cringe-worthy dialogue at times -- surprising since Kevin Williamson is credited as a co-writer. With so many clichés coming at you left and right, you'll start to feel psychic. "Buffy" had the good sense to turn clichés on their heads, "Diaries" just hopes you're too young to know them.

Now I'm not the target audience, so maybe Tween girls will eat it up with a spoon -- casting did an excellent job. The books were enough of a success for someone to try and turn them into a series, which is all that seems to matter these days.