"Drive" PARKED

Quick but not surprising. I swear, Tim Minear must be some kind of masochist. I wasn’t crazy about the idea when I first read about it -- visions of “Cannonball Run” danced around in my head -- but the execution was pretty solid. I’m gonna blame the FOX marketing people for this one. Hot cars and hot women, seems like an easy sell. The “Fast and Furious” movies -- and I use that term loosely -- were wildly successful, so there’s definitely an audience out there. You have to wonder how many of them were even aware of the show.

Story Starters

$20,000 needed for time-travel experiment.

“Dead fairy” sold on the net.

“Ghost” Yacht found drifting, crew missing.

Man dreams of phone number that leads to bride.

Mysterious Huge Stone Eggs found in China.

Painkiller Jane

I could open up my book of really bad puns, but it’d be foolish to waste them on a show this awful. “Painkiller Jane” throws a monkey wrench deep in the gears of the quality original series machine the Sci-Fi Channel has used for the last couple of years. The 2005 TV movie with Emanuelle Vaugier had a much better premise and actually made sense. Couldn’t make heads or tails of this, especially with all the bad acting, shaky camera shots and dumb storyline. I didn’t think Kristanna Loken could give a performance worse than “Bloodrayne”, but boy I was way wrong! And one more thing, I know “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Desperate Housewives” have made the voice-over kind of cool again, but do we really we need Loken droning on and on, adding nothing to the story? Besides, don’t we already have a hot blonde who can heal herself on “Heroes”? Was this trip really necessary?

Story Starters

Engineers one step closer to invisibility

Pair commits suicide after pet dog dies

Pentagon building mind-reading computers

The real Dr. Frankenstein

Sleep disorder turns man into 'Mr Hyde'

’Cat Lady’ suspected of killing 650 animals

Full Moon stuff

Don’t know about you, but the cover art doesn’t exactly inspire me to rush out and pick up a copy. The Movie Blog had a blurb about a possible “Teen Wolf” remake. This time it’s about a female werewolf... The agony never ends. At the rate I’m going, “Werewolf Women of SS” will go from fake trailer to feature length film before my werewolf script is finished. Speaking of “Grindhouse”, I just started reading “Deathproof”. With a name like that you’d expect things to hit the fan rather quickly, instead there’s lots of inane dialogue. Yeah, I get it. Make us care about the characters, but it just seems to drone on and on...