Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bionic Woman

Reminded me of that “Night Stalker” re-imagining a few seasons back, and we all know how that turned out. Sure, it might have worked for “Battlestar Galactica” but does every classic series have to come back dark, edgy and humorless? Felt like they were trying to cram way too much into what should have been a two parter. No real time spent developing the protagonist or the transition from amputee to cyborg. No cool montages of treadmill running and strength tests. No Oscar Goldman but they stick us with a brat kid sister?
A lot of stuff happened for no rhyme or reason. My girlfriend is badly hurt in a hit and run? No problemo! I’ll just whisk her to the super secret facility where I work, perform high tech surgery on her (that turned the last chick into a psycho) and they’ll let me because I’m the boy genius. What’s that you say? They want to use her as a weapon? I’m shocked these shady government types would do such a thing! I know, I’ll help her escape the super secret facility that’s supposed to be so secure then I’ll convince them to leave her alone. Meanwhile... the bionic patient/prisoner is escaping! Shadowy Leader: Get her! Boy Genius: No! Shadowy Leader: Hmmm, you make a good point. We'll give her the illusion of freedom. Besides, we can always kill her if it doesn’t work out. Later... Jaime: After that rooftop catfight in the rain with that bionic hussy, who was kinda flirting with me, I felt a tingling. I think it means I want to work for you guys but on my own terms. Geez...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Premiere Week - Monday


Got a decent amount of positive reviews. Meh. Seems like “Jake 3.0” but I can think of worse ways to spend Monday nights at 8pm. It is good to see Tony Todd and Adam Baldwin working. Sarah Lancaster alone bamboozled me into watching a couple episodes of *cough* “What About Brian?” *cough* so I guess I’ll be sticking around for a while.


A solid but mostly unspectacular season premiere. They’re laying down the foundation. Fine. I’ll be patient. My little bit of speculation on the Wonder Twins: Maya’s ability kicks in when she’s separated from Alejandro.


Has Moon Bloodgood cornered the market on time-traveling TV shows? I really wasn’t expecting much from what seemed like a rehash of “Quantum Leap” but I was pleasantly surprised halfway through. NBC obviously is confident enough to plant it on a piece of prime-time real estate, after “Heroes” (even though “The Bionic Woman” -- with all its rumored problems -- would make a hell of a lot more sense) but the grown-up stuff will bore the younger demographic.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Highlander: The Source

Alternate titles included:

“Highlander: Beating a dead horse”
“Highlander: Duncan MacLeod, you are the father!”
“Highlander: Hey, it can’t be any worse than Highlander 2!”

I’ll be eighty and they’ll still be churning out “Highlander” flicks. A B-movie franchise that just refuses to die -- mostly clinging to life support these days but still... In it’s heyday, there were “Gatherings” for fans, a long-running syndicated TV series and an official “Highlander” catalog where you could order sword replicas, jackets, key chains, etc. More recently, I remember reading an article about cops having to shoot some lunatic wielding a sword and claiming to be immortal. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t. It'd be cool to write a script that takes on life of its own -- minus the lunatics.
The “Feast” co-writers were involved with this latest installment for a hot minute but I’m fuzzy on the details. A mystical quest, a magical guardian, post apocalyptic earth... I’d attempt to explain -- almost forgot to mention the cannibal bikers -- but none of it makes a lick of sense. I’m a sucker for 80’s “Sword and Sorcery” flicks (“Beastmaster” anyone?) so I sat through the whole thing. It’s no wonder they couldn’t get a theatrical release. Life support, folks. Here’s a quote from Adrian Paul, “Is it a good film? I’ll let you decide.” How's that for a ringing endorsement? There’s a “Russian” version floating around that’s slightly longer and supposedly more coherent. View at your own risk.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Big Bad Wolfman

Check out Benicio goofing off with Rick Baker (via aintitcool). I doubt they have the stones to go the minimal makeup route ala Spencer Tracy in “Jekyll and Hyde” but it’d be crazy enough to work. Who knows how audiences will react the classic look? My biggest issue is with the story as a period piece. Imagine the wolfman running around in a modern city -- wait, Jack Nicholson did that already in “Wolf”. Oh, well...

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Invisible Touch

It’s been awfully quiet around here. I’ve been busy hacking away at the werewolf spec -- in more ways than one. There’s just too much fat in the first half. Some of the supporting characters need to be reigned in.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Grudge 2

J-horror is dead and so are American remakes of J-horror. One of the most unnecessary sequels ever. “The Grudge” was an entertaining little ghost story, but there just wasn’t enough material for a second film -- like that ever stopped Hollywood. Less inventive scares, a ton of cgi and a really pointless “twist” at the end. I’m a big fan of the PG-13 horror movie but it’s impossible to defend this one. “The Grudge 2” fits somewhere between “Underworld: Evolution” and “Blade Trinity” on my crappy sequel list.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Nasty Boys

Absurd. Goofy. Ridiculous. Makes “The Craft” look like a Shakespearean masterpiece but it managed to open at the top of box office last year and after a decent run on DVD, a sequel is in the works. Sure, those facts could be interpreted as signs of an imminent apocalypse but why did “The Covenant” find an audience while “Blood and Chocolate” and “Skinwalkers” could not? Here’s my theory...
“The Covenant” has more of a comic book/anime aesthetic than the other two films(which makes sense because it is a comic book adaptation) and that really appeals to today’s audiences -- especially the younger ones. They grew up on stuff like “Dragon Ball Z”, “Akira”, “Street Fighter” and Kung Fu flicks. All that flying/leaping around, hurling energy blasts, wirework, striking a cool pose, powering up... it’s almost nostalgic for them. Ever notice how today’s action stars aren’t physically imposing, big gun-toting, tough guys like in the 80s and early 90s? Twenty years ago, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would have been a huge star. Nowadays, audiences flock to see the “everyman” action hero: physically fit, might have some martial arts ability but is distinguished by a mental toughness that borders on and sometimes crosses over into supernatural territory.


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